If only Mario could smash a writer’s block

Wednesday, 31 May 2006 — 10:59pm | Literature, Video games

Several people have asked me about my novel, the first draft of which was supposed to be completed tonight, as per the regulations of the inaugural U of A Novel Writing Month. It didn’t happen. Congratulations are due to Jake Troughton, Dan Kaszor and Steve Smith, who hit the 50,000-word mark on schedule and matched the expected 14.3% survival rate exactly. Congratulations are not due to yours truly, whose most significant contribution of the month was defeating the three of them in a rousing game of RoboRally.

What have I learned?

I learned that writing fiction is an impossible career because of its persistent nondeterminism, not unlike software development. In both cases, it astounds me that anything ever gets done anywhere.

I learned that although November is a terrible month to commit to this sort of project, May is not a whole lot better, with its new jobs, new commitments, new married couples, and no new ideas. E3 (or was it Wii3?) was terribly interesting this year, and left me wondering not about how to develop the second act of a spurious plot involving space colonization projects and British secret agents, but how the Wii edition of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess will incorporate the free-roaming camera presumably handled by the yellow C-stick in the GameCube version, which was the primary reason I found The Wind Waker more playable than The Ocarina of Time, if not as robust.

I learned that dousing oneself in the pop narratology of Robert McKee is a great way to get started, but not a great way to get going. To finish something of this scale in a month, you need the mindset of a Donald Kaufman, and after the first week and a half I was locked into Charlie mode. (Speaking of which, for all the lampoonery of McKee’s Story in Jonze/Kaufman’s Adaptation, the principles in the book fit the film like a glove.)

I learned that you can write a novel with much greater expediency if you adopt the Kaavya Viswanathan Method, though if you try to make money off it, you will be punished. Synopsis: 19-year-old Harvard sophomore scores a six-figure advance, New York Times story and DreamWorks film deal for her debut novel, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got A Life – you know, a celebration of the kind of good-girl-goes-bad trope that made Grease such a reprehensible movie. She’s caught for plagiarism so incredibly egregious and professionally suicidal that one can hardly believe a well-to-do undergrad would do it all of her own free will; indeed, theories have sprung up in the poor girl’s defence, implicating a book-packaging company and an Ivy League admissions consultancy firm. (As usual, my favourite blog has the best coverage.)

I learned that between Viswanathan and Dan Brown, whose stock protagonist is a professor in a discipline that is both intellectually bankrupt and wholly nonexistent, Harvard University really knows how to take a hardcover punch square in the reputation.

I learned that the city I work in over a given summer will: a) beat Detroit in six, b) beat San Jose in six, and 3) advance to the Stanley Cup finals. So next summer, I’m going back to Calgary.

I learned that New Super Mario Bros. is an outstanding adventure. I’ve completed every level, but not every exit (and certainly not every set of three collectible coins per level, since the later ones are quite tricky). It’s in many ways comparable to Super Mario World, though the stages feel a lot smaller, perhaps due to the lack of flight. The level design, however, is well up to the gold standard of the series. If I had any complaints, it would be that the new enemies aren’t all that compelling, and they go unnamed in the end credits. And as in the original SMB, the Fire Flower is overpowered. The game also neglects to track your progress by the number of exits opened and total coins collected, and I’m sure not going to count them myself.

I learned that the great Koji Kondo himself played the overworld theme at the Chicago premiere of PLAY!, the touring game music symphony programme. The music is credited to his protégés Asuka Ota and Hajime Wakai. It didn’t take me long to discover what felt so odd about the oh-so-catchy main theme: it’s organized into 20-bar sections in 4/4 time, as opposed to the typical 16. I plan to sketch a leadsheet and record it sometime.

I learned that if I wrote a post of this length two or three times a day, I would produce well over 50,000 words in the span of a month.

Live and learn.

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Of Flames and Senators

Wednesday, 3 May 2006 — 11:40pm | Jazz, Music

Han shot first. Unfortunately, so did the Ducks.

That was disappointing. I was really hoping the Flames would meet the Oilers in battle this year, if only to counteract my vague and hazy childhood memories of Esa Tikkanen getting in the way of things. After losing my collection of photographs from the 2004 playoff run with the collapse of my last hard drive – and let me tell you, I captured some fine shots of the most victorious deportment – I was hoping for a replacement. And now, to put up with rowdy Oilerfolk all by their lonely selves; just as I was about to wish them well, too, after such an entertaining drama of rise, fall and redemption on the rink Monday night. Uh, go Sens, or something.

Speaking of senators, I went to see Tommy Banks perform at the Yardbird Suite with a veritable who’s-who of Edmonton jazz. I didn’t actually see him, though, since they sold out just as I arrived, and I listened by the door for the full hour of the first set until it was clear nobody was leaving. There, I could at least discern that Senator Banks still handles Duke Ellington with care, though half the fun of live jazz is the realization that it’s actually live theatre. On the other hand, this meant I witnessed the arrival of the Governor-General and her band of merry men from the RCMP as she had a photo-op with Stephen Mandel a few feet away. Both of them had very nice cars.

To quote Chris Jones (upon witnessing Kevin Taft jump the line and waltz right on in ahead of us): “If it’s not okay for Medicare, why is it okay for Musicare?”

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Radio silence in the Misinformation Age

Monday, 1 May 2006 — 6:42pm | Literature

So I’m writing a novel.

Here’s the scoop: National Novel Writing Month is typically in November, savvy? But here at the U of A, where Novembers are populated with studious activities and the systematic avoidance thereof, a gaggle of us have committed to doing it in May. That’s 50,000 words by the 31st: on paper, not a staggering figure, but the first word takes the longest.

I would like to suggest that as a result, this blog is going to shut down for the month, but it probably won’t happen. At a glance, the next four weeks bring us the film adaptation of a hit novel by my favourite literary whipping boy (the one with the bloodthirsty albino monks), the complete revelation of the Nintendo Wii (wii!), a potential Battle of Alberta playoff series, fewer than four weddings and hopefully no funerals.

So in the meantime, I recommend that you direct your summer-employment blog addictions to the eloquent Geoffrey Chaucer.

I’m surprised at the number of former and current journalist types on the list of participants, myself included. Don’t you guys get tired?

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Both unlike indignity

Sunday, 30 April 2006 — 6:41pm | J.R.R. Tolkien, Jazz, Literature, Music, Pianism

I’ve been thinking about words.

I’m unabashedly a word-lover. One of the consequent afflictions of word-loving, though, is a passion for cute little alphabetic clumps that extends so far beyond their utility as meaning-carrying units that this utility becomes fully detachable. And as soon as one accepts that language can be beautiful in and of itself without having to communicate anything, one begins to see all kinds of instances where language in its meaningful state is intrusive and wholly unnecessary.

This is going to turn into a post where I make fun of hip-hop; but first, a few words about Tolkien.

I have, on one occasion or another, heard someone dismiss The Lord of the Rings on the grounds that Tolkien merely intended the mythology of Middle-Earth to serve as a playground for his invented languages. While not strictly untrue, this is an oversimplification and a misunderstanding. The way I read it, what Tolkien had claimed from the beginning is that the sound-patterns of a language – which would naturally include invented ones, since the meanings of individual lexical units are to some extent arbitrary – are able to contain and reflect the cultural history of a people, even a hypothetical people.

And so you have the Elves, whose unvoiced consonants slip and slide off the labiodental oh-so-gently, whereas the Orcs speak in abrasive, glottal coughs and hacks. In both the physical world and the speech-world, the Elves dance lightly, the Dwarves weigh themselves down; and the language and nomenclature of Rohan are lifted straight from Old English, so there’s no question about where that places them in Tolkien’s cosmos. (Allegorical conclusion: the French are beautiful and the Germans are ugly.) But the important thing is this: the mimetic position of each culture is discernible before meaning is introduced in the form of definitions.

This observation, and the illusion of authenticity that it permits when it comes to an invented tongue, separate Tolkien from all the cheap imitators who think dropping unpronounceable apostrophes everywhere is sufficient. For one thing, it makes no sense for an English-language narrator to anglicize everything except for the funny names, especially in a quasi-medieval setting reflecting an order of society organized around appropriation and homogeneity. I like to think of this as a case of contradictory suspensions of disbelief: how is it that English narrators speaking of a world in which English does not exist are somehow incapable of transliteration? Did they never have Peking Duck at the Turin Olympics?

But enough about bad fantasy. After all, this isn’t my area of special expertise. Talk to Wolf Wikeley, or better yet, watch My Fair Lady. Me, I just play keys.

At this juncture, I want to talk about what inspired this post in the first place. About three weeks ago, I comped a chart featuring my old schoolmate Ian Keteku, who now frolics on the Edmonton rap scene and goes by “Emcee E”. It was a surreal experience, and while in rehearsal, the pair of vocalists coordinating the shindig had to remind me on several occasions to keep the harmonies simple and not swing the time. It’s a struggle to let go of the upper structures and blue notes once you’ve internalized them, and I have no idea how Herbie Hancock ever managed to not only do it, but go on to record a hit single with Christina Aguilera. Then again, he’s Herbie Hancock.

Curiously, the last time Ian and I shared a stage was when he passed the microphone to me at my high school graduation banquet – a legendary evening that, roughly an hour later, went down in history (or down in flames). But the really bizarre thing about this whole scenario is somewhat more transparent.

Jazz guy. Rap guy. We’re not supposed to get along. Think of the Capulets and Montagues; now think of one of them as illiterate, and you’ve got it.

Two days earlier, Kenny Drew (not the one who played with Bird, but his son, who is also a pianist) wrote an article on All About Jazz entitled “What the F**k Happened to Black Popular Music?” – which, predictably, led to an explosive messageboard discussion about the decadence of American youth.

The animosity towards rap is uniquely strong in jazz circles for two reasons. First, rap has taken the place of jazz as the inspirational voice of black America, and there’s a certain cultural jealousy at work – jealousy in its second-most justified form (the first being an armed response to the Universal Constant of the Treachery of Women).

For my part, it is my learned opinion that jazz was, and is, a discovery, not an invention; it does not belong to black America, or America on the whole, any more than the moons of Jupiter belong to Italy. At the same time, I am not going to disrespect the forefathers of the great musical artform of the twentieth century by ignoring the hard fact that the syntax of jazz improvisation developed out of a specific ethnic milieu motivated by the desire to express a positive racial identity. The very problem is that once jazz was properly recognized as a universal construct, it lost its importance to African-American youth.

The second peeve, and the more fundamental one, is that jazz is an extension of the accepted musical dimensions of melody, harmony and rhythm, whereas rap thrives on the absence of the first two and the minimalistic reduction of the third.

I’m not going to get into the discussion of whether or not rap is music. Hip-hop production is no small task, even if it constricts itself to a limited subset of possible syncopations in 4/4 time – which, at face value, isn’t too different from the rhythmic complexity of early swing. It’s just that one requires a MIDI keyboard and a handful of plagiarized samples, whereas the other requires an instrument and practice. But as with any artform, the EffortMeter is merely the first line of aesthetic defence, and leans heavily towards exclusion (or, in the case of aurora borealis at 28,000ft, religion).

The repetition of vowel sounds produces a series of resonances that could be characterized as a harmonic system of its own, though it’s no more sophisticated than Eliza Doolittle reciting nursery rhymes about the rain in Spain falling mainly in the plain or Gene Kelly and Donald O’Connor tapping to “Moses supposes his toeses are roses” over half a century ago. And melodically speaking, there does exist a “correct” diction that distinguishes “good” rap from cheap imitation President’s Choice rap, though in either case, it still deserves a bad rap.

So the genre passes all three tests. I accept that rap is musical, in the same way that the ziplocked excrement of an underfed chihuahua decorated with parsley (the excrement, not the chihuahua) is edible. Technically, yeah… it’s just that I prefer the filet mignon, especially when it’s offered for the same market price.

And I will state, for clarity, that it’s not like all rap is intolerable simply because its musicality is relegated to technical excuses. I will concede that the most outstanding track on Bound Together, a tribute to the music of the Super Nintendo game Earthbound, is the rap remix “Da Black Market”. I will concede that for some reason, French rap is actually not bad; if it’s as full of crass proletarian gutterspeak as the English variant, I don’t know it. I will even concede that the sight of a shrimpy Japanese-Norwegian rugby player channelling the Wu-Tang Clan is hilarious.

However, I am going to identify a general cause behind all of this semantic infighting.

Contemporary popular music has a problem. It happens to be the same problem as the one in mainstream computer animation: there are too many goddamned words.

Rap is the extreme case: the distillation of music for the consumption of the lowest common denominator of the tone-deaf breakbeat bobblehead. Somehow, it always manages to stumble its way back to the but-it’s-poetry tagline excuse. But in almost every genre, there is this depressing tendency for kids with mad guitar chops to obscure their playing with vapid half-sung lyrics about love or death or whatever else is fashionable this afternoon on the bipolar planetoid of Kazaa, when the music is perfectly comfortable speaking for itself.

The meaning of the words is at most a supplement to the music, or a part of some larger dramatic mixed-media construction. The words do not equal the music in any respect apart from acting as signals in the soundspace. Remove the words, and you still have music. Remove the triumvirate of melody, harmony and rhythm, and the music is gone; lyrics are not information-preserving. There’s a reason we file operas by composer, not librettist.

Louis Armstrong recognized the self-sufficiency of melodic expression and invented scat. Annie Ross turned it into a joke and pioneered vocalese. And when jazz vocalists still anchor onto the old standards, the melodies suggest a template for creative interpretation, a crucible for the formation of a personal musical identity. The notes on the page by your Gershwin or Rodgers or Porter, and the words that fit them, are norms. What you listen for are the erratic deviations.

I don’t say this to exclude. I have a lot of respect for the burgeoning poetic tradition of the singer-songwriter, be it those who can sing (Paul Simon, Joni Mitchell) or those who can’t (Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen). But in most cases, the words do not equal the music. They are separable, as lyricophiles consistently demonstrate; and that also implies, quite correctly, that the musical dimensions can be isolated. Unless, of course, the music is absent. Just as bad music can get in the way of well-meaning lyrics, bad poetry – or poor enunciation thereof – often obscures the music. And there’s way too much of both going around. Curiously, market forces are driven by the verbally empowered and musically illiterate, a subdivision that is disturbingly representative of consumer society at large where everybody hears and nobody listens.

That’s one possibility, anyhow. The other one is the ego of the musician who feels the need to disrespect the audience by spelling out how it should feel and what everything means. That’s not poetry, it’s narcissism. And when the words are superficial blotches of noise designed to obscure an underlying monotony of composition, the practice is especially reprehensible.

I don’t deny that words can serve a very direct musical function, and in fact, that is what works in rap. That is what works in opera when you ignore the supertitles and listen to the enunciation of a foreign language, which is itself emotionally indicative of something. That is what works in John Coltrane when he chants along to Jimmy Garrison’s bass line in his spiritual “Acknowledgment”: a love supreme, a love supreme. Which is the dominant function, and which is the supplementary one? Here’s a clue: most of what you hear today has it the wrong way around.

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April in we’ll-always-have-Paris, come she will

Wednesday, 26 April 2006 — 3:14pm | Scrabble

Three weeks going on four is the typical length of absence when people begin worrying about my health (i.e. exam-season procrastinators complain that I am leaving them nothing to read in place of textbooks).

I am alive and well, in spite of any and all reports to the contrary, including those that might have come from myself. There does exist a much longer post in progress that has not been touched in a week. I make no promises that it will ever appear, but for now it provides an implicit excuse.

So earlier this month I discovered Facebook. Although the words “social” and “networking” are red flags by themselves, never mind compounding them together, this particular message and photograph exchange is elegant, clean and eminently recommendable – thanks to the strongly-suggested, lightly-enforced norm of using real names and the restriction of membership to college-affiliated individuals (aside from some high schools in the States). It has always been my belief that Internet privacy need not be contingent on Internet anonymity, which for some reason inerrantly comes at the cost of a dignified level of discourse.

The immediate benefit of the service? Scrabblogging is back, and this time, you don’t have to wait for a huge page to load all at once like my New Orleans log (see the entirety of the August 2004 archive). At the time of this writing I haven’t added any substantial commentary to the 13 rounds that earned me $90 in Sherwood Park over the weekend, but I’ll make one special note: the best part was in Round 4 when I played BOGARTS, which is one of the new words introduced in the OWL2/OSPD4 lexicon (BOGART v -ED, -ING, -S to use without sharing). As for the twos, I’ll crunch the stats later, but I’m confident that QI has replaced QAT as the most commonly-played word in the game. This should surprise nobody.

I find it problematic that Facebook does not permit line breaks in the captions, presumably so they fit into the little tooltips that pop up as thumbnail gallery mouseovers, but no matter. If that makes annotations too difficult, I’ll write them here instead.

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